Thursday, November 12, 2009


Sometimes I am quite possibly the laziest person in the universe. I am not embarrassed to admit this here, because laziness at home usually translates into efficiency in the workplace. When I worked at The Company, if I needed to go see someone about a mistake in a document while simultaneously craving a diet coke, I made sure to put the correct change in my pocket before heading over. No need for two trips if the convenience machine was located along the route to my co-workers desk. I'm also a big fan of the 'Let's get everyone in the room' meeting, so you can brainstorm and come up with a plan in one fell swoop, instead of doing it bit by bit. This usually condenses what could end up a months-long futile project into a one-day quickly rejected plan.

Now that I don't have a job and the closest thing I have to co-workers are the cast of The Office (I can't wait to check in tonight to see what shenanigans have arisen at work this past week), I've realized my brilliance at doing the least possible amount of work to complete a task is quickly fading. Simply put, I am so out of practice I don't even think we can call what I am doing as efficient anymore. It's just laziness. I can't even be bothered to come up with a clever title. What am I saying when I say 'Lazy'? I'm lazy? You're lazy? We all scream for lazy? You'll be lucky if I even spell-check this bad boy.

The problem with my laziness is that I am also oddly anal about certain things. One of these such things is my gmail inbox. I HATE with a capital H-A-T-E unread emails. I don't understand how some people can constantly have unread mail hanging out for an eternity. At the same time, there are certain emails I don't ever plan on reading. If I let them, they'd lurk in my inbox, bold and unweilding, forever haunting me and begging me to please open them to find out how much I can save at Sephora this week. As much as I hate these messages (usually coupons or updates from some charity I donated to once because someone I knew was roller skating down Newbury Street wearing a santa hat and a bikini), I also refuse to unsubscribe to the mailing because I am a packrat. I just might need that email one day when I want to save on MegaWatt MegaLash Dramatic Length Sparkly-Ho Mascara.

These unread emails test my laziness. I am WAY too lazy to open up the email. That would involve a click on the mouse, waiting for it to load, then clicking on 'back to inbox' (2 clicks per email). For a while, I was clicking on 'select unread' then clicking on 'mark as read' then clicking on 'select none' because I also hate when things are randomly selected (3 clicks per group of emails). I quickly realized (today)that that method was only useful if I had more than one unread email that qualified as too useless to read but not useless enough to permanently delete.

Meanwhile, I am on gmail all the time so there is a constant war between my natural inclination to be lazy (let the unread emails sit there) to my obsession with what I like to call a 'clean' inbox (doing something about it).

Recently, I had a breakthrough (this was partly because my 'clean' inbox was littered with 'marked as read' junk mail). I don't have to do anything at all. I've delegated this OCD responsibility to gmail itself. I've now set up over 15 filters on my account that automatically label, mark as read, and archive my coupons, charity emails, facebook messages, etc. When I am in the mood, I click on my labels to see what's new in the world of Sephora, DSW, and Autism Speaks.

All of that said, since I don't have an inbox to meticulously maintain, I'm bored. I guess I will spell check this post.

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