Even longer than I've been on the Cupe as I now call it, I've been on Connexion.
I recently got a message from someone without a picture. Call me shallow (we know it wouldn't be the first time), but attraction is important. Also, not having a picture shows a lack of confidence. Or it means you're sketchy. I decided to message him back.
On 1/27/2010 at 6:10 PM ****** wrote:
how are u?
1/28/2010 at 12:20 AM Tim wrote:
I'm great. Living the life. Having a face. You?
Response:
i can have a face too hit me up
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
So-so cupid
I signed up for OkCupid, after hearing someone had found a boyfriend on there. Overall, it's pretty terrible. More on that in a future post. One of the biggest problems is that no one knows how to talk to people. I guess it makes sense that they have to find someone online. I find that sad, because there are a lot of great people out there and we're all going to be avoiding online dating (which I think in theory could work and does work) because it's full of creeps. Here is my favorite message thus far:
"Nice teeth ! lol :} And the fact you actually joined the day of my birthday Dec 26 ! I laughed when I read that ! Whats with all of your filters, You look like your in your 40s,and one filter says cant be older than 33 LOL My last boyfreind was an abercrombie and fitch underwear model,see what your missing out on by being super shallow ?"
This was sent by a 36 year old. He was filtered from sending me a message because I don't want to date 36 year olds, and that's my prerogative. Conventional wisdom might instruct me to ignore this kind of douchebag and move on. I didn't let it get to me. I have been called a lot of things- arrogant, mean, an asshole, evil. I've never been called shallow. And I look exactly 27.5. I get carded. Even with a beard. I'm a little nugget. So we don't ignore such uninvited animosity.
"Humor doesn't come across in writing sometimes. Plus there was no "jk" or :) so I guess you're just being a prick for no reason. I hardly look like I'm in my 40s. So did the shallow Abercrombie model dump you for a younger model? We're almost as good a match for enemy as dating. I can see why. No one who knows me has ever called me shallow.
By the way you used the wrong your/ you're twice, but I know it's been about 25 years since your last grammar lesson."
I wanted to go meaner and really go for the gut. I find though that sometimes you should respond with a touch of restraint and a hint of class. Or maybe I'm too shallow to cut him deep.
"Nice teeth ! lol :} And the fact you actually joined the day of my birthday Dec 26 ! I laughed when I read that ! Whats with all of your filters, You look like your in your 40s,and one filter says cant be older than 33 LOL My last boyfreind was an abercrombie and fitch underwear model,see what your missing out on by being super shallow ?"
This was sent by a 36 year old. He was filtered from sending me a message because I don't want to date 36 year olds, and that's my prerogative. Conventional wisdom might instruct me to ignore this kind of douchebag and move on. I didn't let it get to me. I have been called a lot of things- arrogant, mean, an asshole, evil. I've never been called shallow. And I look exactly 27.5. I get carded. Even with a beard. I'm a little nugget. So we don't ignore such uninvited animosity.
"Humor doesn't come across in writing sometimes. Plus there was no "jk" or :) so I guess you're just being a prick for no reason. I hardly look like I'm in my 40s. So did the shallow Abercrombie model dump you for a younger model? We're almost as good a match for enemy as dating. I can see why. No one who knows me has ever called me shallow.
By the way you used the wrong your/ you're twice, but I know it's been about 25 years since your last grammar lesson."
I wanted to go meaner and really go for the gut. I find though that sometimes you should respond with a touch of restraint and a hint of class. Or maybe I'm too shallow to cut him deep.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Not cute
I've only been dating for shortly over a year. For the most part, it has been good. So far I've had only one real nightmare date, and that was my fault for not going with my gut and instead, agreeing to a second date when one was enough. I have a pretty decent screening process in place, and for the most part it isn't that hard. In 9 out of 10 cases, I am done as of the first message.
Here are the some social networking site message qualities that will get you nowhere:
1. Too young. I have gotten messages from 19-year-olds. 18-year-olds. And 17-year-olds. Um, hi, I work at a college. Do you want homework help? I make about 105 TV and movie references everyday. Have you ever even seen The Facts of Life? Do you know that "That's what she said" dates back to at least Wayne's World, not The Office? I look fairly young- I know this because a 92-year-old told me I look like a kid and an 18-year-old, upon finding out how I old I was said "Twenty-" and only mouthed "seven." I look young, but you'll make me feel old.
2. Too old. On the flipside, I don't want to make anyone feel ancient. I also just think that old people are...gross. 30, still in my age range. 35, for the right person. I have been messaged by a 58-year-old, who tried to give me some sagely, condescending advice. Thanks, Yoda, I have a dad, and I don't listen to his advice.
3. Poor grammar. I'm not perfect. And in this blog, I don't really worry excessively over proper punctuation. If you're going to compliment my looks, though, you should be able to pull that off without coming off as stupid. I don't know how often I need to hear "Your cute." My cute what? It's "You're cute" and I know. Are you just into looks? Because I'm not.
4. Overly persistent. Two or three times, I have been messaged by the same individual 3 times. Did you forget you messaged me? How flattering! I love being forgotten! If not, desperation isn't cute.
5. Too bold. Someone sent me a message that read "I think I'm due for a Boston trip soon. U down?" Really? Whatever you heard about me, it isn't true.
Despite the awkwardness I have read, this one was my favorite.
"Hell no, Tim! I'd not make you sleep on the couch and just watch me. That'd be so like, rude.
My profile is referring to sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Not watching someone. Where did this come from, perv?
And you gotta be kidding me! 1984 is MY favorite book (along with Lord of the Flies). And Queen is MY favorite band (along with Yes). Too much! Look at my profile. See?
So you have decent, but not all THAT unique taste. 1984 is a phenomenal book, but a lot of people like it. If you don't like at least a Queen song, then you are useless. Too much? Not enough! And, how do I know you didn't add them your profile just now?
AND, I write ... comedy sketches! And I taught a workshop in comedy writing. So just what are you tryin to do here, Tim? Be me? You can't. That position's already filled, by me. But if you'd like to talk about different positions, now that might be cool.
So far you're not funny, so your sketches probably suck and you're a creep so you shouldn't be allowed to teach anything. Be you? I am pretty sure I'm better than you, and I don't feel bad saying it. Other positions? You're 40. Can you even get in that many positions? And also, gross.
I also play piano professionally (umm, yea, as opposed to unprofessionally).
Within this context...not at all cool or sexy.
Hope to hear from you, runner-boy!
Nice nickname, douche.
Here are the some social networking site message qualities that will get you nowhere:
1. Too young. I have gotten messages from 19-year-olds. 18-year-olds. And 17-year-olds. Um, hi, I work at a college. Do you want homework help? I make about 105 TV and movie references everyday. Have you ever even seen The Facts of Life? Do you know that "That's what she said" dates back to at least Wayne's World, not The Office? I look fairly young- I know this because a 92-year-old told me I look like a kid and an 18-year-old, upon finding out how I old I was said "Twenty-" and only mouthed "seven." I look young, but you'll make me feel old.
2. Too old. On the flipside, I don't want to make anyone feel ancient. I also just think that old people are...gross. 30, still in my age range. 35, for the right person. I have been messaged by a 58-year-old, who tried to give me some sagely, condescending advice. Thanks, Yoda, I have a dad, and I don't listen to his advice.
3. Poor grammar. I'm not perfect. And in this blog, I don't really worry excessively over proper punctuation. If you're going to compliment my looks, though, you should be able to pull that off without coming off as stupid. I don't know how often I need to hear "Your cute." My cute what? It's "You're cute" and I know. Are you just into looks? Because I'm not.
4. Overly persistent. Two or three times, I have been messaged by the same individual 3 times. Did you forget you messaged me? How flattering! I love being forgotten! If not, desperation isn't cute.
5. Too bold. Someone sent me a message that read "I think I'm due for a Boston trip soon. U down?" Really? Whatever you heard about me, it isn't true.
Despite the awkwardness I have read, this one was my favorite.
"Hell no, Tim! I'd not make you sleep on the couch and just watch me. That'd be so like, rude.
My profile is referring to sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Not watching someone. Where did this come from, perv?
And you gotta be kidding me! 1984 is MY favorite book (along with Lord of the Flies). And Queen is MY favorite band (along with Yes). Too much! Look at my profile. See?
So you have decent, but not all THAT unique taste. 1984 is a phenomenal book, but a lot of people like it. If you don't like at least a Queen song, then you are useless. Too much? Not enough! And, how do I know you didn't add them your profile just now?
AND, I write ... comedy sketches! And I taught a workshop in comedy writing. So just what are you tryin to do here, Tim? Be me? You can't. That position's already filled, by me. But if you'd like to talk about different positions, now that might be cool.
So far you're not funny, so your sketches probably suck and you're a creep so you shouldn't be allowed to teach anything. Be you? I am pretty sure I'm better than you, and I don't feel bad saying it. Other positions? You're 40. Can you even get in that many positions? And also, gross.
I also play piano professionally (umm, yea, as opposed to unprofessionally).
Within this context...not at all cool or sexy.
Hope to hear from you, runner-boy!
Nice nickname, douche.
Monday, November 9, 2009
That's a deal breaker, ladies!
Pretty much every day I have a series of pointless skype conversations with a friend of mine who lives out in Denver (we will call her B). In every conversation, B has a new guy that we need to discuss. It's my job as her friend to tell her that they are losers. If she likes him, he's probably a loser (a tattooed, slacker, commitment-phobe loser). If she doesn't like him, he's definitely a loser (a potentially homeless, clingy loser) and she needs to get rid of him and quickly. Because I consider myself a Liz Lemon-type expert on loser guys, I get to make the call on whether or not he is worth giving a shot. I mean, since I have never met these guys and I only hear her one-sided version of every story, this makes perfect sense. But, it's what we do. And it is fun. And I never get tired of using the phrase "deal breaker." Because B is constantly meeting these loser guys, I can't help but wonder.... Do these guys even know that the things they are doing are deal breakers? Do they care?
As a public service to the dating world, I am going to outline some deal breakers here. Please don't hate me if I mention something you do. Learn from it.
Doesn't have a job, a cell phone, or a dollar bill for dollar drinks during happy hour-- DEAL BREAKER
I've been writing this mini-article in my head about how the economy is the number 1 reason why I am single. Everyone has blamed the economy for everything else that is going wrong in their lives, why can't I apply it to my love life? My reasoning behind this is that guys are no longer out there spending their disposable income on drinks for me. They just don't have the disposable income anymore and they need all the money they have to drown their own sorrows, mine not included. What I am saying is, I totally understand being unemployed. Half of my friends don't have jobs right now, and the other half are underemployed. Okay, you lost your job and bills are too much to handle. Then, your phone bill goes by the wayside and it gets turned off. I get it. You've had some bad luck and it is a real bummer. And yes, we appreciate you were able to call multiple times despite the fact you don't have a phone. But one question remains: why did you ask to meet up with a girl for Happy Hour if you can't afford the dollar drinks? I'm not saying the guy needs to buy all of the drinks (although he should offer--- dating etiquette says that the one who does the asking does the paying), but at the very least he should be able to contribute to the tab. Also, if he doesn't have a lot of money, and he picks a particularly inexpensive venue that offers dollar drafts, he definitely shouldn't be ordering Bourbon and then asking his date to cover the cost. I don't care about the calorie count, man. Nut up and drink a cheap beer if that's all you can afford. Don't you have any pride?
Wants to see and be near you all the time, and you've only known each other for just over a week-- DEAL BREAKER
Since I've only really lived in Boston, it's hard for me to know what kinds of guys live out in the rest of the world. I am used to being picked up in a bar and then just as quickly dropped when the next pretty girl walks by. Finding a boyfriend in Boston is like winning the lottery. You play the numbers game (he collects all the numbers), and once in a million your number is chosen and you win. Yay! In other places, guys seem to latch on a little more, try a little harder. If they take your number, they sometimes call you the very next day. In some ways, I find this charming and sweet. I am not one for the "wait 3 days before you call" rule. I think that's stupid. If a guy wants to call, he should call. The problem arises when he calls multiple times before getting a response, wonders why you didn't call him when you were going to a party on the weekend (yes, I know the fact it was free works for your empty wallet), and insists on cuddling on the couch before you are really ready for cuddling on couches. I guess part of my issue with this one is I am (what's the word for selfish that's nice?) a very independent person and I don't like anyone cramping my style. I'm also very suspicious. If someone wants to come over to my apartment on a Sunday night just to hang out, I know what they really want: my leftovers from dinner. I'm sure this sort of tactic might work on some girls. For me.... it's a deal breaker, ladies.
Gives out backhanded compliments instead of real ones-- DEAL BREAKER
If someone tells you are pretty because even that horrible haircut you just got doesn't prevent you from being cute, I only have three words: Shut. It. Down.
Makes you feel like a unicorn--- DEAL BREAKER
Everyone wants to feel special and unique. No one wants to feel so special and unique that they are a mythical creature with a horn jutting out of his or her forehead that needs to be observed overnight. I once went out with a guy who acquired two strikes before dinner (STRIKE 1: didn't buy my pre-dinner beer and STRIKE 2: wore a faded, old sweater), and throughout the meal he proceeded to tell me just what a unicorn I was. I am sure he thought he was paying me compliment after compliment, but by the end of the night, I felt like I was some sort of a weirdo that was being studied, or that he had never actually talked to a real live girl before. [It's hard to really explain the unicorn comments. In my case, he said things like: "Wow, I can't believe you like barbeque pulled pork! I've never gone out with a girl who didn't order a salad, a girl that wasn't constantly counting calories. Wow! You even ordered a beer. I've never seen a girl order a beer before. WOAH! It's not even a light beer! Can we hang out again so I can learn more about your unique species?...]
Has a goatee-- DEAL BREAKER
Okay, so this one is all me. I just don't like goatees. You could be the nicest, most handsome, most amazing person in the world and I wouldn't date you unless you shaved off your goatee. Almost every other form of facial hair is fine by me. I love a nice 5 o'clock shadow (who doesn't?), I'd probably even go for someone with a beard. A moustache would be pushing it, but would still be better than a goatee. I don't get their appeal, I don't get why so many guys have them. If anyone wants to explain the goatee to me, I will hear it, but I probably won't change my mind.
There are countless of other things out there lurking in the shadows of your dates waiting to break deals. My theory is, if it is a deal breaker for you just end it. Don't give second chances. To those of you who are out there saying, "No, maybe it was just an off day! Maybe my guy will stop being a loser when we go out again. I really liked him when I met him in the bar that first time, my judgement wasn't at all clouded by alcohol or loneliness." To those nay-sayers, I will leave you with this. From my second-hand experience through B, the losers never get better. If they start out a potential relationship by telling you the dress you are wearing makes you look less chubby while simultaneously asking you to pick up the tab for dinner, it's only going to get worse. First dates are for good impressions, not d-bag behavior.
As a public service to the dating world, I am going to outline some deal breakers here. Please don't hate me if I mention something you do. Learn from it.
Doesn't have a job, a cell phone, or a dollar bill for dollar drinks during happy hour-- DEAL BREAKER
I've been writing this mini-article in my head about how the economy is the number 1 reason why I am single. Everyone has blamed the economy for everything else that is going wrong in their lives, why can't I apply it to my love life? My reasoning behind this is that guys are no longer out there spending their disposable income on drinks for me. They just don't have the disposable income anymore and they need all the money they have to drown their own sorrows, mine not included. What I am saying is, I totally understand being unemployed. Half of my friends don't have jobs right now, and the other half are underemployed. Okay, you lost your job and bills are too much to handle. Then, your phone bill goes by the wayside and it gets turned off. I get it. You've had some bad luck and it is a real bummer. And yes, we appreciate you were able to call multiple times despite the fact you don't have a phone. But one question remains: why did you ask to meet up with a girl for Happy Hour if you can't afford the dollar drinks? I'm not saying the guy needs to buy all of the drinks (although he should offer--- dating etiquette says that the one who does the asking does the paying), but at the very least he should be able to contribute to the tab. Also, if he doesn't have a lot of money, and he picks a particularly inexpensive venue that offers dollar drafts, he definitely shouldn't be ordering Bourbon and then asking his date to cover the cost. I don't care about the calorie count, man. Nut up and drink a cheap beer if that's all you can afford. Don't you have any pride?
Wants to see and be near you all the time, and you've only known each other for just over a week-- DEAL BREAKER
Since I've only really lived in Boston, it's hard for me to know what kinds of guys live out in the rest of the world. I am used to being picked up in a bar and then just as quickly dropped when the next pretty girl walks by. Finding a boyfriend in Boston is like winning the lottery. You play the numbers game (he collects all the numbers), and once in a million your number is chosen and you win. Yay! In other places, guys seem to latch on a little more, try a little harder. If they take your number, they sometimes call you the very next day. In some ways, I find this charming and sweet. I am not one for the "wait 3 days before you call" rule. I think that's stupid. If a guy wants to call, he should call. The problem arises when he calls multiple times before getting a response, wonders why you didn't call him when you were going to a party on the weekend (yes, I know the fact it was free works for your empty wallet), and insists on cuddling on the couch before you are really ready for cuddling on couches. I guess part of my issue with this one is I am (what's the word for selfish that's nice?) a very independent person and I don't like anyone cramping my style. I'm also very suspicious. If someone wants to come over to my apartment on a Sunday night just to hang out, I know what they really want: my leftovers from dinner. I'm sure this sort of tactic might work on some girls. For me.... it's a deal breaker, ladies.
Gives out backhanded compliments instead of real ones-- DEAL BREAKER
If someone tells you are pretty because even that horrible haircut you just got doesn't prevent you from being cute, I only have three words: Shut. It. Down.
Makes you feel like a unicorn--- DEAL BREAKER
Everyone wants to feel special and unique. No one wants to feel so special and unique that they are a mythical creature with a horn jutting out of his or her forehead that needs to be observed overnight. I once went out with a guy who acquired two strikes before dinner (STRIKE 1: didn't buy my pre-dinner beer and STRIKE 2: wore a faded, old sweater), and throughout the meal he proceeded to tell me just what a unicorn I was. I am sure he thought he was paying me compliment after compliment, but by the end of the night, I felt like I was some sort of a weirdo that was being studied, or that he had never actually talked to a real live girl before. [It's hard to really explain the unicorn comments. In my case, he said things like: "Wow, I can't believe you like barbeque pulled pork! I've never gone out with a girl who didn't order a salad, a girl that wasn't constantly counting calories. Wow! You even ordered a beer. I've never seen a girl order a beer before. WOAH! It's not even a light beer! Can we hang out again so I can learn more about your unique species?...]
Has a goatee-- DEAL BREAKER
Okay, so this one is all me. I just don't like goatees. You could be the nicest, most handsome, most amazing person in the world and I wouldn't date you unless you shaved off your goatee. Almost every other form of facial hair is fine by me. I love a nice 5 o'clock shadow (who doesn't?), I'd probably even go for someone with a beard. A moustache would be pushing it, but would still be better than a goatee. I don't get their appeal, I don't get why so many guys have them. If anyone wants to explain the goatee to me, I will hear it, but I probably won't change my mind.
There are countless of other things out there lurking in the shadows of your dates waiting to break deals. My theory is, if it is a deal breaker for you just end it. Don't give second chances. To those of you who are out there saying, "No, maybe it was just an off day! Maybe my guy will stop being a loser when we go out again. I really liked him when I met him in the bar that first time, my judgement wasn't at all clouded by alcohol or loneliness." To those nay-sayers, I will leave you with this. From my second-hand experience through B, the losers never get better. If they start out a potential relationship by telling you the dress you are wearing makes you look less chubby while simultaneously asking you to pick up the tab for dinner, it's only going to get worse. First dates are for good impressions, not d-bag behavior.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
E-Disharmony
Online dating is amazing. Not because I've met anyone- because I haven't, just in case you forgot that's actually against God's plan. It's amazing because I just can't get over how perfect the matches are that get delivered to me every morning, like an angel nestles them quietly in my inbox while I sleep. Which one is my favorite? I find it hard to decide.
How about the guy who described harry and voldemort's last standoff as "freakin sweet"?
Nah. Maybe the one who, under a picture of a cat on his head, said "this lady rules the roost".
Perhaps the classy gentleman who put it all out there and said his main interest in life is video games?
Or maybe it's the guy who, in listing the 3 things he is most thankful for in his entire life, listed health...education...and (drumroll please) DENTAL CARE!
I think we have a winner.
How about the guy who described harry and voldemort's last standoff as "freakin sweet"?
Nah. Maybe the one who, under a picture of a cat on his head, said "this lady rules the roost".
Perhaps the classy gentleman who put it all out there and said his main interest in life is video games?
Or maybe it's the guy who, in listing the 3 things he is most thankful for in his entire life, listed health...education...and (drumroll please) DENTAL CARE!
I think we have a winner.
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