Thursday, November 19, 2009

Because I am an expert

Holy mashed potatoes, batman, two posts in one day from me. Normally if I posted earlier in the day, I purposely wait at least a day to post again. Mainly to keep you guys coming back for more. Today is a horse of a different color.

Just the other day I picked up a copy of Elle magazine to read while taking the bus back to CT. Normally I don't read Elle. But Sarah Jessica Parker was on the cover and inside was an interview with Alec Baldwin. Plus, I love the December issues of even the most mediocre of magazines. There is something about seeing sparkly jewelry and expensive gifts that get me into the holiday spirit. After getting through 10 pages of ads before even hitting an article or editor's letter or even the table of contents, I wanted to throw the magazine out the bus emergency exit window. But I powered on, convinced that this mag would surprise me since obviously they knew what the people wanted (SJP and Alec Baldwin).

By the time I got to the articles I had purchased the magazine for, I was wishing I had read them standing up at the magazine kiosk in the bus station. Because that's all the time these poorly written excuses for journalism were worth. And that's saying a lot. The charm of Sarah Jessica Parker was completely lost on the reader and the comedic likeability of Alec Baldwin didn't even exist. In my head, I said, "Who is Elle hiring these days?" Then I remembered. Elle is too busy hiring people like Olivia Palermo and shooting episodes of the City, to possibly get real writers to do their jobs. Since I am unemployed and a wish-I-could-be-a-writer-but-make-no-real-effort-aside-from-this-blog, I take real offense to this. Put me in a room with Sarah Jessica Parker, Alec Baldwin, and a laptop and I will give you one hell of an entertaining and well written story. I promise.

I thought I got over this and have been trying to make it through the rest of the magazine over the course of the past couple of days. I spent money on that pile of pages and I will read every last one. Then I read Tim's post and got fired up all over again. Did someone really get paid to write an article about alleged photo-shopping of Demi Moore's thigh?

Since I am an expert on aesthetics, here is my opinion on the subject. Since Demi Moore is extremely fit and is clearly standing in contrapposto, there was no chunk of thigh removed from this photo. Do you need more proof? Excellent, I love to put my knowledge of Art History to good use.

Take a look at this photo of Michelangelo's David:
Now compare it to the pose that Demi Moore is striking on her W cover:

You can see how she is standing just like the David, her weight on one foot. Since I don't have Illustrator on my computer, you will have to use your sparkling imagination to draw (in your head) a sarong on the David just like Demi's. Can you picture it? If you leave that little scrap of leg showing, it is going to look as though there is a discrepency between the top of the leg and the rest of the thigh. Why? Because of the way the weight is distributed throughout the body. Because of things we like to call 'muscles.' Because our legs don't just go straight down. That's what we call a peg leg, and only pirates have those.

Because Demi has killer thigh muscles, which you can see above, the way the sarong cuts across makes it look like there has been some photo-editing at first glance. However, after looking at it again and understanding the human body in the way Michelangelo did (although he only really understood men), I am going to say there was no editing (aside from the normal airbrushing), and you are going to believe me, because I have 4 years of Art History under my belt, and I used Michelangelo's David as an example. I'm an expert.


Tim said...

I love having an expert back me up.
-That's what she said. Heyoooo!!

C said...

You reinforced my original thoughts on this. I swore it was muscle. NICE!

And I learned something...