My December Forecast

You probably have no idea how much I believe in things like horoscopes, palm readings, tea leaves, feng shui, superstitions, fortune cookies and the like. Freshman year of college, I captured my feelings about hopes and dreams in a box that was decorated to represent all of the opportunities one has to make wishes come true. The result of this art assignment was so moving that a professor walking by opened up the top (which revealed an array of feathers and beads and bells and magic) and said, “I want to blow” [That’s what she said].

I won’t deny that I hung words of wisdom on my wall that quoted Disney movies and Winnie the Pooh. As a birthday gift, some of my home friends gave me books on how to read palms and tarot cards. Why, because they thought I’d appreciate it. Oh and I did. I read the shiznit out of all of their palms that birthday, while wearing a headscarf and consulting my crystal ball. When meeting someone for the first time, I immediately consult the Birthday Book to determine if we are compatible as friends or lovers. I take fortune cookies seriously, cherishing the tiny scraps of paper as they hide in my wallet or stick tacked on a bulletin board until they come true.

Over the years, this passion of mine has become slightly more subdued. Or maybe people are just used to it by now; no one has really noted it as odd when I yell at people for stepping on the cracks (lest they break their mothers’ backs) or remind them to make a wish at 11:11am. The thing is, I take this stuff seriously. I am not about to ruin my luck and mess with the fates due to some careless error like opening an umbrella indoors (the horror! Even thinking about that makes me cringe).

Now that you know this about me, it should come to no surprise to you that I recently got a fortune that told me come winter success would rain down on me and I believed it. Then, just this morning I read my December horoscope and it so completely applies to my life. To prove it, I am going to outline it here (with my comments in green) and you can be the judge.

TAURUS (Apr 20- May 20) [My birthday totally falls between those dates!]

The full moon on the 2nd could bring good news about a hefty bundle of cash. [I should hear about a job by then. I think this means I am going to get it. Watch that success rain down on me this winter, my friends! This could also apply to my field hockey check that I should get no later than Awards night, which is on, you guessed it, Dec 2.]

Still, continue to watch yourself. By mid-month, your spending may have exceeded your estimates. [Just last night, I totally made a spending estimate spreadsheet for December in the case I were to get the job and needed to move back to Boston relatively speedily. But I didn’t take into account the holidays and gifts and parties and drinking and all that. Maybe I need to recalculate. As we learned from Flash Forward, you can change the future].

Your enthusiasm for finding the perfect solution to a home-related matter will be strong in December, but with Mars going retrograde on the 20th, it would be best to hurry this project along. Once Mars is out of orbit, your progress will slow. [This must mean that provided I get this job, I should try to find a place to live before the 20th. Totally makes sense. If I were to wait til after, we’d hit the holidays and that’s the time of year I sit around and avoid undecorating the Christmas tree].

Romantically, you’ll be at your best from the 25th until Mid-January. Travel is coming on strong late in the month, so take a distant trip abroad with someone you love. [I’m losing steam on proof here, but the job I applied for is travel related, so maybe that’s what is coming on strong at the end of the month. I can never predict my love life, so I am going to stay out of that one. It seems like bad luck.]