Secrets, secrets, are no fun. Secrets, secrets, hurt someone

Lately, I've taken to checking out job listings on craigslist. The most fun ones to read are the ads for reality TV casting calls. One was for a spot on a hunter/gatherer tribe on an island where you can participate in polyamorous relationships and experience life as humans did back in the day when everything was wild and free. I'd post details here, but I'd like to keep this blog family friendly.

Then I found this one:

“Secrets," the CW's new documentary series, will follow the lives of professional woman ages 22-27 who cannot keep their rage under control.

For more information or to APPLY, check out www.cwsecrets.com.

I checked out the website and it is legit. Unfortunately, I don't actually qualify because I doubt my days spent wearing yesterday's pajamas scouring the internet for new and interesting craigslist posts qualifies as living a secret/double life. You all know that is what I am doing- it's no secret. I did have to think twice about the rage, though. I can call upon rage like it's my superpower. Things I have forgotten about for years, months, weeks, can quickly and easily come to the surface at a moment's notice.

One thing you shouldn't mention to me if you don't want to witness me fly off the handle is Comcast. Don't ask me the best way to return a cable box. I won't tell you how I was told 7 pieces of misinformation and sent through 5 different website links and talked to 8 different people and one online robot, only to find out that to return a piece of equipment would involve driving to Roxbury between the hours of noon and never on a weekday. Since you didn't ask, I wouldn't have to explain how ridiculous it is that if you cancel your Comcast service for no good reason, you can have someone stop by to pick it up (for free), ship it back to your payment center (for free), or drop it off at a local payment center (for free). However, if you have moved out of state last minute to an area where Comcast does not serve, your only option is to return it to your old location's payment center which is two hours away and keeps inconvenient hours. Fortunately, if you avoid mentioning Comcast to me, you will also avoid hearing about how much they suck, how much I hate them, and how even if I move back to an area that ONLY has Comcast as a cable option, I will personally install Dish Network on my apartment's rooftop or sign up for netflix or buy a new computer that would allow me to watch Hulu, instead of dealing with them again. F-ing Comcast.

Now that that hasn't been said, I am wondering if I should apply for that TV show.... if that happens, please be sure to watch me on the CW, Tuesdays, 10/9 Central, 2011.